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Archive for December, 2007

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For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He (even) gave up His only-begotten (unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish – come to destruction, be lost – but have eternal (everlasting) life. John 3:16 Amplified Version

I think this was one of the first verses I ever memorized as a young child…..and it still makes me cry…..that God would give up his only Son…..for a wretched woman like me…..all so that I could experience Him…..know Him…..call Him Father…..always humbles me…..I am so undeserving of that kind of love, yet I am helpless and absolutely useless without Him…..and I have no problem admitting that:) We pray that this coming year you would “trust, cling to and rely” on God in a deeper way…on a more intimate level…..and allow Him the chance to take you to new levels of that kind of amazing love…..Merry Christmas!

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Brokenness….

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But as for me, I will look to the Lord and (confident) in Him I will keep watch; I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my Salvation; MY GOD WILL HEAR ME. Rejoice not against me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, THE LORD SHALL BE A LIGHT TO ME. Micah 7:7-8 Amplified Version

This verse has been an anchor for me through my brothers death, sickness, divorce, singleness, brokenness and just plain ol’ life. Many times I have cried out to God in the midst of my pain begging, Why is this happening to me? or Why did you let this happen to me?…..so…

To all of you who find Christmas overwhelming…..difficult……sad…..lonely….maybe you’re missing someone at your table this year because they no longer reside on this earth…..maybe family is mad at you….not talking to you…..you’ve been abused……hurt……left for someone new…..whatever the reasons…..God knows….and He hears…..and in the midst of your darkness…..He will be that light to you….like He has been for me……if you will just let Him….I promise!

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The merciful, kind and generous man benefits himself (for his deeds return to bless him), but he who is cruel and callous (to the wants of others) brings on himself retribution. Proverbs 11:17 Amplified Version

Sometimes I need to be reminded to be merciful, kind and generous…..especially when I don’t FEEL like it……and sometimes I need to be reminded that God sees…..knows….is mindful of what happens in my life……and He will take care of it…..as He sees fit…..He’s not asking for my opinions or what I think should happen….just that I am obedient to Him….His Word….that I trust Him…..believe Him….know that nothing escapes His watchful eye…..He is my soft place to fall……where I can rest…and that is what I am going to go do…..night my blogging friends….:)

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Tamales With My Mama….

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Ok…..so my mom is AMAZING in many ways…..She puts up with me for one…..but SHE IS THE BEST COOK….EVER….she can make something out of nothing…..I don’t know how she does it…..but she puts me to shame every time…..Today was the perfect day for making the meat and chili for the tamales that we will finish next week….and that’s exactly what we did…..We had a great time and as you can tell by Dylan’s face…..the sauce is HOT…HOT…HOT!! Thanks mom for an incredible afternoon to spend just with you and schooling me in the art of Tamale making……I can never tell you enough how much I LOVE YOU and how I appreciate EVERYTHING you do for me and my family!!!!

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Awesome Quote…

I read somewhere that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
-A Kelly

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On A Lighter Note…..

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In the Hake-Castro home…..EVERYONE….must share a room…..much to my older boyz dismay…..the younger boyz have the smallest room in the house. We’ve had a little car bed for Daeden and a portable crib for Deke…The last few months both have outgrown their respective beds…..so we decided we needed to buy bunkbeds for them….Daeden was so excited….I never knew bunkbeds could make a boy so HAPPY…..but we’d been waiting to put Deke on the bottom bunk….he’s only 20 months. So we tried it the other night…..and he cried….and cried….and cried. Finally he fell asleep and slept through the night and stayed in bed till we got him up….UNBELIEVABLE….for those of you who know Deke…..Again, last night he cried…..BUT….tonite I put him to bed and he’s laying there talking that “jibberish thing” that he does…..all to himself….sigh….

I want to cry….my baby is growing so fast…..you’d think it wouldn’t be that big of a deal….him being my sixth boy…..but it really is….. that big of a deal…….LIKE WAY!

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To those of you who are in the midst of or have gone through what I went through…..or any other kind of betrayal….let me just say that forgiveness is a process. It reminds me of an onion…..you peel one layer away only to find another…..and another……and another. The choice to forgive is an act of obedience…..feelings are usually not involved. As you make the choice to forgive….slowly…..and eventually……your feelings begin to change. That isn’t to say that your emotions do not get in the way from time to time……they did for me, quite often. I would forgive and then take it back…..sound familiar?

The real test of my forgiveness for this person came when she called me late that night. I have extreme respect for her…..I don’t know if I would have had the guts to call….she took a risk……she had no idea what I would say…..the seven years prior…..we had no real contact other than polite pleasantries. I had forgiven her…..but I sure as heck didn’t want to be friends…..

After we talked that night…..I felt God tell me….this thing called forgiveness…..now you get to walk it out, girl……My first thought was…..”you’ve got to be kidding me”…..”what are you trying to do to me”…..? And, like most things in my life….I had two choices…..I could obey through this new season in my life or I could “box” God…..which I, obviously, always lose at….

I didn’t know how to walk it out….I didn’t know what it was suppose to look like…..for us…..but God did. At first it was so awkward….painful…..my anger and resentment came back…..things that I had given over to the Lord bubbled to the surface…..many times I wanted to take it all back…..it was way easier to forgive from a distance….than to actually have to walk it out…..

You wouldn’t believe the flack I got from friends and family….they thought I was crazy…..and I have to admit….it sounded crazy…..many told me….”God would never ask this of you…..you already forgave…..this woman had a part in destroying your life…..why would you want her in your home….around the kids again”…..this was the perfect out….she was gone….out of the picture……but…

God would not let me rest…..deep in my heart I knew what I had to do….I had to begin the process of forgiving on a deeper level….we would have to talk….cry…..relive…..hash out….get real…..become vunerable again….about all that had happend years prior….and you know what….

As painful as it was….I am so glad I did…..I am a different person…..I have a deeper understanding of the word “grace”…..We live in a world of instants…..nobody wants to “do the work”…..nobody wants to extend grace to others….to love people where they’re at…..least of all me…..

I am writing this because I didn’t want it to seem like this “forgiveness thing” just came to me….it was a long process…..painful…..ugly at times…..but I came out on the other side…..And it’s a beautiful view……this side of the mountain…..

Oh…and by the way….another circumstance/person/event will come along in my life…..where I get to walk it out all over again……smile…

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