When swelling and pride come, then empitness and shame come also; but with the humble – those who are lowly, (who have been pruned or chiseled by trial) and renounce self – is skillful and godly Wisdom and soundness.
Proverbs 11:2 Amplified Version
A long time ago….i stumbled upon this verse….or rather the Holy Spirit allowed me to find it….and it has truly been the cry of my heart…..
I desire….crave….am desperate for Wisdom in all areas of my life….but everyday….I really need it….to raise my sons….homeschool them……love them uncondtionally…..they are all at different places in their lives…..one travels, takes incredible pictures, plays a mean guitar…..one just graduated from high school and is trying to figure out what he is suppose to be….is in a band…..plays really, really loud drums….two are in high school….TWO HIGHSCHOOLERS…..one is five (that speaks for itself) and my little one is 22 months…..loud….gets into everything….really loud…..did I mention he gets into EVERYTHING……sigh…..I want to be there for all of them…..I want to hear what each of them has to say…..to be their greatest fan…..I feel pulled in every direction……tired…..yet, there is no time for rest…..I love them each so much…..enjoy each of their individual quirks……they are all so amazing to me……how did i ever get so blessed…..but
Nothing has pruned and chiseled me more than “momness”…..many nights I have cried myself to sleep…..I take my responsibilty to raise these boys seriously…..God has entrusted me…..to teach them and raise them in the way they should go….so that when they are on their own…..they will not depart from the God I have taught them about……and it doesn’t end when they turn 18…..It actually gets harder….or rather….now I get to let go….and trust God that He really is faithful…..that I can trust Him to watch when I can’t…..to help them when they are hundreds of miles away…..and even when they are in the next room….I feel so ill-equipped half the time….but I am grateful that this “mom-thing” is not about what I FEEL…rather it is about how desperate I am to lean on my Heavenly Father to help me…..give me strength….love….patience…..the ability to listen when I just want to go to bed…..to get up in the middle of the night to find the pacifer that Deke just flung across the room….in the dark…..crawling…..feeling the floor……sigh….cuz he can’t sleep without it…..did I mention that I am really, really tired….:)
All of this to say….that the pruning process…..”staying still” long enough for God to get to the heart of the matter…..is painful….and I have experienced it through the death of my only brother, divorce, singleness, loneliness, marriage, motherhood, etc….yet it brings a freedom….peace……and the “wisdom and soundness” that I so desperately need and want….I have felt another session of some major chiseling…..on the horizon…..and, I confess, that I really don’t want to sit still…..yet, I know I must…..it is out of His love and mercy….that He calls to me……So…..I crawl back….to sit in His lap…..and face to face…tell Him…..I’m ready…..
Well, I had dinner with your first son last night, and all I can say is that I hope I can do half the job of parenting that you’ve done. You’ve raised him up, and I don’t see him departing from the Way anytime soon. Well done.
God has enabled you to do all these things well… a loving mother, friend, daughter, etc… you are such a gift to so many people… especially your boys. not only is their love for you so strong & evident, but so is their love for their Lord… you have brought them up well…
and thank you for being a source of comfort, love, knowledge, advice, & wisdom to this stubborn-still leaning-figuring things out-twenty-something year-old…
i love you….
This road of leaning on the Lord for grace is quite an amazing place. You’ve expressed it so well.Love your words.
You have such a lovely heart.
I can’t imagine how it must be to juggle all those age categories. It is a feat to connect with each of my children on a daily basis…and still be fresh and smiling for my husband when he walks in the door. Like you, there have been many nights where I have cried myself to sleep–out of exhaustion, despair, confusion and this deeply felt realization that God has entrusted all these little people into my care. He *knew* I would be the right woman for the job! He has faith in me when I am faithless. And that encourages me so very much. Let it encourage you, too. You are an awesome lady!
Hello-
I work for CBS News and I would love to talk to you about your betrayal and then path toward forgiveness. Please email me!
I forgot to add that this is for a series i’m working on.
You don’t know me but I am a woman who lives in Lake Stevens, WA. and has had the pleasure of your oldest sons company, while he stayed in our home and took pictures of my family. You have so much to be proud of in Daley! He has a deep heart that doesn’t receive everything he hears as truth but finds it for himself. I wish I had had the courage to do that when I was his age! I’m sure I don’t know him the way you do but what I have seen is a heart after God! This 39 year old mother of 2 wanted to encourage another mother-you’ve done and amazing job bringing up your son.
Cyndi, As I read and look at your life through your writing and photos I can’t help but cry a little. Not because of anything you say or show but because of all I missed in your life. I am sad that as I look at our 24 years of friendship, the memories of your days of having babies, affairs,illness, divorce, moving from a home you loved, singleness, working fulltime, dating….and then the joy. I missed out on so much of your joy and that brings me such sadness. It makes our time apart so definate…you moved on without me having any idea where you were you going. I am sad that our life together was so drastically dissolved to the point I have described it to some as what I think a divorce. I know for you it is probably nothing like a divorce because you really know…but from all I have seen and learned from divorce it felt very similar. As I read your ever so eloquent words put to your life stories I am truley touched by the underlying joy that is shown because of the manor inwhich you present your life stories. You have always underestimated your worth and abilities but reading these words I can see God has really helped you see and realize you unique, strong yet quiet purpose…to touch lives through your words and life. I was so touched by the unexpected friendship. It was so special to hear it then read it. I guess what I’m trying to convey to you in my oh so simple way is this…I have missed our friendship yet I am grateful for the many years we had together. Your joy has come and I have missed being beside you or actually on the phone with you while you experienced it with your new life. We always say God has a plan for you, to prosper you..to grow you. Well you are such a visual example of this. You walked a hard sometimes lonely road but it led you to where God could use you and give you joy. Now that makes me happy. My hope is that at some point we might be able to rekindle a 24 year old friendship. To allow us to be with each other when good or in your case great things happen in our lives. I have loved my life and God has blessed me with so much…but your grace and forgiveness has help me to begin filling the gap the loss had left. I have missed you, your children. I know that our next “time” will be better. I truley believe that we have agreed to run the race set before us ,using the shoes we were given and are focused “with joy” on the prize. Your friendship is definately a warm memory in my heart and mind. I love you
to the author and all of those who responded to this. thank you for sharing your thoughts and revelations. I am a fellow tired mom. In effort to recover from my day I divinely “stumbled” upon this article. It was so encouraging and helped me to remember to get into my Father’s lap. Because I was so inspired I copied this and posted it as a bulletin on my myspace. You should know that I had many responses from all of my mom friends and encouraged them as well. I hope that was okay…I think we moms need a reminder that we are not the only one with the challenges of raising children. Thank you again for your sincere words!
Camille
myspace.com/_camille78_
Thank you for sharing. I’d like to share a book I’ve written with you because its title comes from Proverbs 11:2’s amplified version: “Chiseled by Trials”. It is about – as you’ve come to learn – the trials of our lives are what God uses to mold us. If you’re interested, please email me. I’d be happy to send you the manuscript.
Blessings,
Rev. Dr. Gardiner Jones
gardjones@comcast.net
I will have to read this one over and over….you’ve written down exactly what my heart wants to say!