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Archive for May, 2008

My First Son……

May 2, 1987

Daley Thomas Hake

Daddy & Daley……2 weeks old

Me and Dale…….6 months old

Christmas morning…..1987

May 2, 2008

At the age of 21, I had my first son Daley……Today, we celebrate his 21st year on this planet…..I can’t believe it…….where did the time go……He is a man now……taller than me…..with a life of his own……roaming about the country…….taking pictures……making music……networking with people……going places I have never even been……

I love the place that we are at in our life-long relationship……gone are the days of mothering him……now they are filled with his adventures, creativity, music…..his life…..I love hearing his opinions……his struggles…..his fears……our times together are sometimes rushed……he is busy……so much to do……to see…….but I consider him one of my closest friends…….I value his opinions……his advice…….He will always be my baby……and when he lets me…….I do that thing I know best……being his mama……..but, I mostly just try and listen and remind him that God is faithful……amazing…..and has great plans for his life……..and to enjoy the ride…….

I love you Dale……Happy Birthday!

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May 1, 1987……1 week late…….after my brother’s funeral……

but it was all worth it for this……….

 

 

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Jesse Ismael Thomas

August 7,1968- April 27,1987

I remember…..the big red bunk bed that dad made that we shared till we got our own rooms……GI Joes……..matchbox cars……..towns and highways made with a hoe all over the dirt driveway…….mud pies…….home-made blanket tents all over your bedroom…….long bike rides……cowboy boots and two six-shoots……hot summers swimming at Hunt Park……your huge burp in the middle of prayer at church…….that made me laugh so hard…….we both got in so much trouble for it…….the shoe you threw at me……..I ducked……resulting in the broken window we both had to pay for out of our allowance……that seemed like it took forever……..fist fights…….me always winning…..until you got taller than me…..and then I found that crying did the trick……:) Seeing you across the playground in grade school playing with friends……to watching you as a freshman…..me a senior……across campus……with that nod you always gave me……

Your last day here on earth……talked to you at 10:00 am…..you were dead at 2:00 pm……I heard the firetrucks and ambulances racing down Blaine……on the way to help…..but it was too late……I had no idea they were going to your accident……until later. When mom told me you “had gone to be with the Lord”……it took a few minutes to register……not you…..not our family……and then like slow motion…….memories flooded my mind……conversations we had…….what you wore the night before……stupid arguments……birthdays…….holidays……did I remember to say “I loved you” before I hung up earlier that morning……..I dropped to my knees……and the baby I was carrying……kicked me hard……and then the tears…….never ending tears.

It’s been a long time since you’ve been gone……I struggled for years……that I wasn’t there, by your side, when you took your last breath…….that I should have told you more often how much I loved you……that I needed you……that I valued your friendship…….The hardest thing I ever had to do was begin to learn how to make a life that no longer included you……knowing that someday I would see you again……just didn’t seem to matter at times……in death you were complete……made whole…….fully loved…….for us…..a huge void…….pieces of our hearts and lives shattered…….

But I’ve come to be thankful for the 18 years you were here…..all the memories that I still carry….the childish secrets that we shared…….the friendship that we had. Your death taught me that in the midst of anguish…..fear……indescribable loss and pain…….God is with me…..and He knows how I feel……He cares. I am mindful to not take my time with others for granted because we never know how long we have here.

I will never forget your face the last time I saw you…..you were changing into a young man…….handsome……with great hair:) You would be thrilled to know that your nephews love U2 and have a passion for music like you did…….and hair…….I know that came from you……an incredibly loving gesture….from an awesome God……

When I start to forget your eyes…..I look into Daley’s and I am reminded of you all over again…….and, by the way, Daddy’s the only one who still calls me Cyd……just for you, I think:)

I thank my God every time I remember You.

Philippians 1:3

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