When then, eternal Father, did you create this creature of yours?
You show me that you made us for one reason only: in your light
you saw yourself compelled by the fire of your love to give us
being in spite of the evil we would commit against you, eternal Father.
It was fire, then, that compelled you. Oh, unutterable love, even though you
saw all the evils your creatures would commit against your infinite goodness,
you acted as if you did not see and set your eye only on the beauty of your creature,
with whom you had fallen in love….
like one drunk and crazy with love….You are the fire, nothing but a fire of love,
crazy over what you have made.
-The Prayers of Catherine of Siena-
What an audacious prayer….Only One who understands her incredible worth and immeasurable value from Father God, could pray like that…..I want that kind of boldness……I want to know, that I know, that I know…..not in my head…..but at the very core of who I am…..that His love burns for me….so deeply in love He is with me….hopelessly hooked….ruthlessly committed…..furiously longing to hear my voice call to Him…….His Beloved…..showing off His splender all around me….together forever……CRAZY kind of love. He is CRAZY in love with me…..I can hardly take it in!
We were created with this vacumn shaped hole that only our Creator can fill. Some of us spend a lifetime in search of this love….only to come up empty handed. It is only when we begin to understand that we are deeply loved by a committed God who went to great lengths to pursue us….that we find real peace with ourselves and others.
It is a wild leap of faith to say…..I believe You when you say that You knew me before time began…..expectantly waited till the appointed time for my arrival here on this great spinning ball…..and from the time I took my first breath……You have pursued a relationship with me! I never found you….You found me! I was desperate for love…..acceptance….value….and You showed up….and I didn’t even know, at the time, what it all meant…..this relationship with this undenyable force. I just knew that I had to love you back in my own feeble pathetic way. And even when I failed You miserably, rejected your love, pursued others over You…..You still came after me…..loving me…..wooing me back…..believing in me…..desiring this crazy love relationship…..And not for one minute have You ever taken your eyes off of me…..
And all I can manage to say is “thank you for falling in love with me”….
“Where would I be…..without your love”
My prayer for you is that you will be able to say the same thing……and believe it!